Just another day in paradise?

I had an appointment at UVA with my neurologist on Thursday afternoon. It's almost 2 hours from our house to Charlottesville and as of Thursday morning, I didn't have anyone to take me and I was kind of freaking out, so I was already very stressed.
Christopher needed to be in the office, but thank goodness  he was able to leave at noon and come get me. I seriously don't know what I'd do without him sometimes. I'm a 29 year old toddler.
Anyway.

I felt like crap. My head was pounding, I felt like my heart was racing (it was...that's a whole other issue. They screwed up my appointment and she couldn't see me but when they saw how I was breathing and took my pulse, they sent me straight to ER. It was 140) and my chest felt kinda weird.

So I got up and dressed, tried to look half presentable, and took the dogs out. Osc did his business as usual and Lucy just peed a little bit. Brought them in and fed them since would be back late. Then I smelled pee.
 Ugh.
So I scrubbed the carpet near the door where I thought she had gone. When I went back into the kitchen to put that stuff away, I came back and found her pooping in my living room.
Cheeseandrice Lucy!!
So I sprinted full speed back to the kitchen to get a paper towel, trying to beat Oscar to the poop. He looooooves him a good pile of fresh poop. Nom nom.

I slipped on the wet spot on the carpet and landed flat on my face on the kitchen floor. Knocked my glasses off, and my nose started bleeding. I had to get up quickly. Even though it hurt really bad and I wanted to just lay there and cry until Chris got home!! I was still trying to beat my shit-eating dog to the pile.
I got the poop, flushed it, came back with the cleaning spray and when I bent down to start scrubbing the smell gagged me and I jumped up and had to run to the kitchen again because I was going to vomit! Ughhhhhhhhh. I can usually do this stuff. I'm a medic, people. I've worked with people exploding out of orifices for years. I think its my meds, or the headaches, or maybe I'm loosing my touch. Either way...ugh.

Well I missed the wet spot, but just as the puke was coming out of my mouth and all down the front of my t shirt, I threw myself over the sink...where Christopher had left a steak knife pointing up in a cup.
Right into my palm. Eff. But I did manage to get the rest of the vomit into the sink and rinse that away with the blood that was coming out of my hand.

By the time I finally got the shit cleaned off of my floor, I just sat there and sobbed. I haven't cried like that in years. Oscar just sat there in my lap and wouldn't let Lucy near me. I'm pretty sure he knew that she caused this insane chain of events.
It funny now, like hilarious....when I got to the ER at UVA they asked if I had thrown up today and I just busted out laughing. Then I had to tell them, and the nurse was laughing too.

Just another day in paradise...right??